A conundrum – Freedom after marriage

People say, a person (read man) loses his freedom after marriage. This is an age old conundrum, arguable of course. The debate is never one sided. There could be four categories in the debate of this topic.

  1. Unmarried but siding freedom
  2. Unmarried but dreading loss of freedom
  3. Married but still siding freedom
  4. Married and considering having lost the freedom already

Well, what to say? I am confused too. Not that, I am saying freedom is persistent after marriage. We should also consider what are all the factors we are considering as freedom? Based on the individual, one can put all of the below or a few from the below list,

  1. Wake up at any time
  2. Go out whenever you want
  3. Call up friends at any time
  4. Show up to friends place at any time
  5. Go and party
  6. Do weird things
  7. Be lazy
  8. Be anti-social
  9. Booze
  10. Eat junk food
  11. Be non-responsive
  12. Be non-responsible
  13. Be nonsense
  14. Flirt with girls
  15. Be friends with girls

Now, if we try and search then we shall surely find even girls doing the same things, in abundance. Then what is the problem and who is having the problem?

May be it is just an assumption that freedom is lost. Or maybe not.

To me, life has changed after marriage for sure. It is not like that I will state that my freedom has been lost. But it is more like, I am doing different things which I was not doing before marriage and equally there are things which I am not doing now which I used to do every now and then before marriage (no. – 1, 2,3,5,8,10,14,15 to be specific). My wife has never stopped me or suggested me to do something and to not to do something. It is similar in her case too, she is not bound to my preferences.

“The things change” would be the answer. The situation changes. First, you both try to align yourselves to each other and change (or try to change) habits. This would be purely on the basis of a try “to be likable by your life partner”. With the bombardment of life lectures/lessons, we may have received from elders about “being in marriage”. Initially, there might not be any objections at all since you would be receiving enormous amount of love in return, so perhaps a person just substitute this love in place of the old habits. If you get comfortable with these changes in long run then you wouldn’t we complaining about loss of freedom. But just in case, you start missing anything/any habit of yours which you might have changed after marriage (either voluntarily or after nagging 😀) then you may feel suffocated. You may feel, you have lost your freedom.

Perhaps, it is all about being simple and being yourself. Give space to others and let everyone live their life. Yes, you can influence and have an impact on others but it better be wholeheartedly and voluntarily. Also not to forget, even if you are trying to change yourself and your habits voluntarily, this should be thoroughly thought. You are doing something not because the other half likes it, you are doing something because you like it.

Note: In this post, I have considered only nuclear family, not a joint family. Otherwise as per Indian culture and traditions, people would consider about “being likable” thing to all in-laws. The permutations and combinations are so high that forget about being yourself, you will forget who you are. 😀😀

Bonus (A joke I read long about “after marriage situation”):

A wife tries to change a man her whole life according to her liking.

And after-a-while when man changes.

She complains, “You have changed now, you are no longer the same, you used to be.”



About ritesh

A funny, sensible, thoughtful, culture and literature loving Indian ગુજરાતી Embedded Software Engineer
This entry was posted in Life, Marriage, Random Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to A conundrum – Freedom after marriage

  1. boogerworm says:

    If your marriage hasn’t impinged on your freedom that’s a very good thing. But I have seen people give up their hobbies, interests and passions because their spouse disapproves. Balance is the key.

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